June: Strength, Sketching & Self Portraits
I prioritised mental and physical health, and this is how it went.
This post was originally intended for my paid members, due to its more vulnerable tone. However, as the theme is around mental health, I decided it was important to open it up for everyone.
Ungrounded and wobbly
The month of May was challenging. I felt as though I had never quite recovered from lingering viruses. I felt weak, and I struggled to lift myself out of a low mental funk. I’d missed workouts due to low energy and I couldn’t shake myself out of the heaviness of it all. Anxiety, depressive spells and bouts of rage were becoming too much. I had to take action. I got to the end of the month and realised that there were certain daily practices that simply had to move from ‘trying to squeeze them in’ to ‘absolute non-negotiables.’ I decided to go back to basics, knowing that the simplest lifestyle changes can have the greatest potential impact.
An attempt to commit to non-negotiables
I’m part of Frances Ives Patreon and I was really inspired by her challenge to herself, which she called ‘DED May’ short for ‘Draw Every Day May’. I decided to follow along and draw when I could, but I didn’t ask myself to commit to the daily practice, knowing that it would feel overwhelming. However, it hammered home the fact that every time I DO show up to my sketchbook, no matter how briefly, the impact is significant. I feel more energised, centred, grounded and more present in the moment.
I also know that all the scientific evidence points to the importance of lifting weights, especially for women. I’ve been part of an online workout group for a few months now, and its been a total gamechanger, but all to often I’d missed a session here or there due to some last minute thing that needed attending to. I’d felt guilty for sneaking away to the live workout and having that time to myself. ‘I’ll do the replay’, I thought. But I never would.
Just. Two. Things.
For the month of June, these two activities would be non-negotiable:
Live workouts. My husband and I agreed that we would make the live workout appointments non-negotiable for me to attend. Even if I was exhausted, and didn’t want to lift, I would gently work through the workout using only body weight, but I would SHOW UP. My body would be thankful and my brain will be releasing endorphins.
Sketchbooks. I would show up for joy, for myself. Even if I just swatched and scribbled. I would use June to fill the pages of the ‘almost finished but not quite’ sketchbooks and see if I could finally finish them. Again, this was about aiming to draw every day-ish. No pressure, no overwhelm, just increased awareness and attention, and a knowing that I can go to my art table when I need to calm my nervous system.
Tracking, ticking, colour in that box!
You know you mean ‘business’ when you draw little boxes in your planner, ready to fill with a tick / check mark or colour in. The all important self accountability! This was a game changer - there’s no feeling better than striking a line through the ‘done’ box!
How it went
June was an entirely different beast to May. Yes, I still struggled. There were still days I would cry easily and for no reason. Days I would struggle to get to my desk to work. Days when the task of trying to figure out what to cook would send me into a rage. (I mean come ON, trying to cook EVERY DAY…its too much!!!).
BUT also…I could feel my body getting stronger.
I CRAVED showing up for my workouts.
I stood taller, and felt excited about seeing my progress in the weights I could lift.
I took time to appreciate how much work I have created in my sketchbooks, and thought, that’s pretty sweet.
I felt less overwhelmed by parenting.
I ate well, and cooked well. (But did not forgo eating chocolate spread straight from the jar - because I’m a grown up and I CAN!)
Most importantly, I actually feel these positive behaviours turning into embedded habits.
Is this TMI? Why am I sharing this?
I don’t talk about my workouts in the context of my body. I talk about it in the context of my mind. I don’t really bother to look at the changes in the body, I just notice the difference in how I feel. The drawing, the lifting of weights, all profoundly impact on how I breathe, and both activities bring me into the present moment.
Because the world is a difficult place right now. Our nervous systems are bombarded with so many earth-shattering, huge concerns: war & genocide, the rise of the far right, nail biting elections around the world, climate anxiety on top of just trying to do the very best for the people around us. Sometimes the simple act of nourishing our own bodies can feel overwhelming, in face of the challenges the world is dealing with. This is something we are ALL contending with, and I feel the need to share the coping mechanisms I am leaning on.
Onwards into July
July has started with a bit of a wobble, as I managed to put my back out after going a bit too hard on a hiit workout. I lifted the buggy in just the wrong way, and before I knew it, I was lying on the floor with my legs up on a gym ball, for 3 hours till the pain killers kicked in. That will teach me to go too hard!
I won’t let that get me down - I’ll recover, get strong and keep going. But it humbled me, and reminded me of the importance of being gentle once in a while.
Here are the positive thoughts I start July with:
I’ll keep leaning in to movement, strength and body work
I won’t let setbacks ‘un-do’ the good work I have started
My sketchbook is my friend
A quick self portrait sketch is a great way to journal
One day at a time!
Focus on the breath
Shout out to my wonderful husband Tom, whose total support in the face of all of my meltdowns has enabled me to keep moving forward, one step at a time.
What are the tools you lean on?
How do you soothe your nervous system?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
Thanks for sharing this! Much like your words, I see strength in the last self portrait. And thank you for the reminder that a workout isn’t just for our bodies. I’ve been skipping too many of them lately and I can feel it in my energy levels and mood. I often think of this line, and maybe I need to write it where I can see it all the time: How I treat my body today is a direct reflection on how I’ll feel tomorrow
This post, like most of your sharing, hits home so hard, Raj. Thank you so much for sharing. I feel the same way about movement. It is for my mental health and sanity. Although June was super duper difficult and I didn't draw much... The dry spell in my sketchbooks continues.. the helplessness, the frustration, anxiety still there... But I guess I'm letting it run its course. This post is so inspiring. You have been such an inspiration! 💕 Thank you..